As the "male translator" to most of my nerd-licious female friends, one of the most common questions I get asked about is how much of their nerd-selves they should reveal when dating a new guy, especially if their new love interest isn't a nerd himself. They're worried about coming off too geeky, too socially-backward, or (and this one really annoyed me) "too smart".

Smart vs. Obscure

First off, and I know this sounds like an after-school special, don't waste your time with a guy who is intimidated because you're smart. No matter what else he's got going on for him, don't ever dumb yourself down because you think it's more attractive. It isn't. Smart women are hot, and smart guys know it.

That said...

There is a difference between being smart and being obscure. If you like this guy, there's something about him that mentally intrigues you, so we'll assume for the sake of the article that he's capable of having an intelligent conversation. Talk about the usual getting-to-know-you topics: movies, music, politics, travel, life, work, hobbies, etc., but if you skew the conversation into areas that only you and your friends can follow, you risk losing him. This might appear as if he's not quick enough to follow, but in reality, you're expecting him to hold up an interesting dialogue on a subject he doesn't have any exposure to. It's setting him up to fail. Try testing the waters by throwing out a few topics you're passionate about. Maybe let's say, you're talking about favorite movies, mix in your nerd favorites with some mainstream films that you know he's seen. See if you can spark a reaction, then just let your dialogue flow naturally, but understand that you might come from different backgrounds. If you drop a Star Trek reference and he doesn't react, don't follow it up with a line out of something even more out there, like Red Dwarf or Fawlty Towers. Arm yourself with some talking points from your most easily accessible interests, and if he does react positively, then slowly work the conversation further and further outward. Eventually, you'll find his "resign line", or the level of obscurity at which you can converse before he stops knowing what the hell you're talking about. We all have one, you do too. Once you know where it lies, you can manage the conversation on that given level.

So, once you've got a good rapport going, how much of your interests should you reveal, and when? There are some things you'll never have to hide from us.

Video Games

There is no such thing as a girl who likes video games too much. (Well, there probably is, but chances are, you're not it.) Ever since we were nine, we've been hoping to date a girl that we don't have to hide our love of video games with. If you're into them, flaunt it. He'll love it. There's very little that's more fun than watching your new girl wreck a dragon in World of Warcraft, or busting your record on Guitar Hero, or breaking a sweat boxing with a Wii-mote, or curling up together with her in a dark room to play Silent Hill. My last girlfriend got about a hundred points with me for having an old 8-bit Nintendo system in her bedroom. (One caveat: a girl who only plays The Sims does not qualify as a girl who plays video games. Don't ask me why, you just don't.)

Costumes/Cosplay

Watching your girlfriend try on ten pairs of black heels at the mall is torturous. Watching your girlfriend try on a pirate costume is fantastic. There's a big difference.

So, is there anything you might have to ease him into? Definitely. Not because you need to be ashamed of your interests, or hide yourself from him, but too much too quickly of some of the following can set off some alarm bells. 

Books

I don't know why, but you women read more than we do. It's not that we never read, or that we can't grasp the material, we just don't make it a priority, and maybe we should. Feel free to discuss your love of books and see how he responds, but don't dismiss him as a nitwit if he's not Rupert Giles. Talk about one of your favorites that you think he might like. After a few dates, offer to lend it to him. It'll show him that you trust him and that his opinion interests you.

Comics

Didn't see that one coming, did you? Yes, girls who are into comics are great. Girls who are obnoxiously into comics can get old quickly. A friend recently spent an afternoon with a geek-girl I know. They wandered into a comic book shop, and he could talk at length about the X-Men before they ruled your multiplex, but he's only got a passing interest in comics lately, so when she proceeded to quiz him about Neil Gaiman, Watchmen and other topics that it was clear he wasn't versed in, rather than being impressed by her intellect and nerd-Q, it turned him off. Comics still have a stigma for some people, and even if they don't for your new guy, there's a rich history and interlinking to the comic world which he may not be familiar with. Your interest in comics can definitely work to your favor if you ease him into it. Because most of the books are so short, you can easily read one together in a short amount of time. Watch him and see how he responds as you do. The more he responds, the more you can feel comfortable revealing.

Role-Playing

He loves that you get passionate about your interests, but he may be shy about participating right off the bat. Maybe you've got him to go to DragonCon with you, but don't fret if you want to dress up like Rinoa and he doesn't want to go done up as your Squall. Don't force him to participate if he doesn't feel comfortable yet. This could be totally new to him, so if he doesn't want to join in on D&D night, don't take it as an insult. Most guys just need to understand how something works before we jump in, partly because we're worried about doing it wrong and looking like an idiot in front of you.

Don't Begrudge His Interests

Let's be honest here. Nerds can be some of the biggest snobs on the planet, so it might be very easy to turn your nose up at his interests that you don't share. Let's say he likes watching football or boxing or wrestling or UFC or something else with his friends, and you despise it. First off, don't let his friends know if you disapprove of his interests. His friends can be very influential in his life, and they're usually the first ones to pipe up if they think his new girl is a bad fit for him. My best guy-friends (and some of my friend-girls too) are relentless when they don't like a girl I'm dating, because they're looking out for me, so it's very important that they like you. Take this opportunity to learn about something you may not be familiar with. Ask him if he'd like you to participate. Maybe it's a guys-only thing, or maybe it'd be his chance to show off how much fun you are to his friends. If he says yes, go and be open-minded. If you really can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, but this also might help you understand a side of him that you don't connect with yet.

A Disconnect Isn't A Red Flag, It's An Opportunity

He hasn't seen any episodes of Firefly,  he hasn't read any David Sedaris, he doesn't know any Death Cab For Cutie lyrics, and he doesn't get your references because he hasn't seen the movies. So what? Too many people use this as a reason to disqualify someone new, but someone who does this has no faith in her new guy. Educating him on what he's missed out on can be the first thing you two do together! A former girlfriend turned me on to Christopher Moore's books, and he's still one of my favorite authors to this day. Another ex of mine had never seen any episodes of Veronica Mars, and I turned her into a rabid fan. We bonded a lot by watching the first season together! You never know, if you let yourself, you might learn a little something from him too.