Dr. Ando's Answer

Posted on 04/22/2009 at 09:24 pm PST

Dear mynerdgirl,

Long distances can often be rough on relationships.  Add in military obligations and there are some significant obstacles.  They're not insurmountable, and my congratulations that you've weathered this together before. 

Some factors to take into account are the ways in which you're able to communicate to each other.  If he's deployed out in the field, I imagine it might be a little slim.  My understanding is that internet access is fairly common by now.  However,  I have to admit, I know very little about how the military is run, so my suggestions are coming from my experience from being in relationships in drum and bugle corps.  We toured over the summer and I aged out (turned 21) before I got a cell phone, so the conditions (constantly on the move, one pay phone with everyone wanting to call home, limited personal time, no privacy, dictated schedule, sweetie back home) might be comparable. 

Things that I, and other people on tour, did back in the days of no cell phones was letters.  Letters and packages.  We had mail stops about once a week and it is pure delight to see that someone cared enough to send something.  It's bragging rights too, because other people also got to see how much love was being sent to us.  Packages with homemade treats and practical necessities were gold.  If you want his companions to envy how awesome you are and how good he has it with you, send enough for him to share, along with a (clothed) photo of your hot self.  They'll start reminding him how great you are as well.  Bulky items, or items that need to be lugged around and carried back home with him are probably not ideal. 

Send him hand written letters, reminiscing on sweet times and looking forward to more with him.  Include pictures of yourself, with friends, and enjoying life, to make him feel connected to what you're doing, while reminding him of how you feel about him.  I'd limit the content to PG-13 at most, since there's no guarantee of complete privacy.  Sadly, I can't recommend shipping him pornography (especially naughty pictures of yourself), because laws vary from state to state and country to country.  Best not to get him, or you, in trouble.  These may not be the most sexually explicit and hot suggestions, but given the conditions and some of the potential pitfalls, keeping the relationship close and connected may be helpful in keeping the undercurrent of your shared sexual interests going.

Don't forget to get your needs met.  Ask him to send some form of communication back to you, to keep you updated on how he's doing and what he's been going through.  Let him know that you don't want it to be a stressor to him and you understand he may not always be able to write to you.  It is nice to feel the affection sent back!

Best of luck to you both, and I look forward to hearing he arrives back home safely!

Cheers!

Dr. Ando