Dr. Ando's Answer

Posted on 09/17/2008 at 09:20 pm PST

Dear mynerdgirl,

    To answer the first part of your question, congratulations to looking forward to turning 30!  I'm sad to report that it's not going to have much of an effect on your orgasmic ability.  If you like, the placebo effect might be helpful, but the issue is the idea is based off of data taken by Kinsey and his fellow researchers back in the 1940s (Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953).  They counted sexual outlets, by which they meant orgasms.  I'm not going to make grand assumptions about how socially different things are now from then, but it turns out there isn't a magic switch that gets flipped when women hit their 30's.  The general idea is that males learned how to masturbate earlier on (teens) and the orgasmic scorekeeping evened out when people got married.  There's also the thought that women hitting an estrogen production peak in their mid-late 20's will lead to a sexual peak as well, but hormone levels aren't consistent ways to mediate sexual interest or abilities.  UCSB has some interesting information and graphs at: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/?article=2I6a

    I'm a fan of the combination of nature and nurture, so I wouldn't write off orgasmic prowess or difficulties as only biological, psychological, self, or partner related.  Reading your question, I'm not exactly sure what you're thinking a sexual peak (that is, your sexual peak) is going to look like.  And really, if you're thinking that your sexual peak is going to happen in your 30's, will that mean that everything else is downhill from there?  That could suck.  Your sexuality is likely going to ebb and flow in combination with other things that are going on in your life and body.  Sex and orgasms can and will change over time - it can get better well into your 80's and 90's.  While there are tendencies for some women to have a decrease in sexual interest around menopause, other women report an increase in sexual interest at the same time. 

    If you've never had an orgasm, masturbation is a tried and true method.  I recommend reading Betty Dodson's Sex for One or if you're looking to delve into more partner-related orgasms, check out Patricia Taylor's Expanded Orgasm.  Use them as launching points, not as final authorities on how things should be done, or how your orgasms will be experienced.  Play.  Have fun, get toys, bring friends.  Be flexible in your experimentation.  Learn how your body and mind work, what you like, and when you like it. 

Taylor, P.  (2002).  Expanded orgasm.  Sourcebooks Casablanca: Naperville. 

Dodson, B. (1996).  Sex for one - The joy of selfloving.  Three Rivers Press: NY.

Kinsey, A., Pomeroy, W., Martin, C., & Gebhard, P.  (1953).  Sexual behavior in the human female.  W.B. Saunders Company: Philadelphia and London. 

Cheers!

Dr. Ando